Dark Places

I'm feeling so down the moment, and I don't understand why. I've got a lovely new man who might actually be what I've been searching for, a house to live in, no hastle from the ex as he doesn't know where we live and I'm starting to make friends.
But on the other hand I feel so alone, scared and not holding it all together.

I've never been in charge of a households finances before, and mine are precarious at the best of times. Every time I turn around there seems to be something else in need of money spending. Life is just overwhelming me at the moment and I feel like I want to run and hide, crying in a corner till it passes.

I'm still putting on a confident and complete front for everyone but its really hard work and I'm so tired.Inside I'm falling apart. Perhaps I need to go back to the Drs and see if there is something else apart from Prozac that I can take.

I wish I could pull myself out of it, but I'm so scared about everything. Everything seems to be hard and complicated, even the girls going away with mum is complicated and I've got to drive them to somewhere I don't know. I can't work out my route or timings to see friends easily, I've still got work to do which I can't get into. I want to go to a bbq in the south in june but need to be up here the following morning for Katherine to sing in church. It feels like ever time I set my hand to do something it doesn't go easily.

Changing Drs was just a simple thing to do as I moved up here, but that too wasn't simple. I'm now on blood pressure tablets, and have had to go for all sorts of tests, with the prospect of more medication as well.

Even joining the Alpha course at church has caused more problems that its solving, I've got the cost of a babysitter to find, which is extortionate, the cost of the meal and to top it all off its making me really wonder if I've got faith or if I'm just playing at it and saying the right things to the right people. Half of me is really sceptical about it all and the other half believes and relies on God.

well, I'm off for a good cry now, sometimes it helps and then I might be able to get on with some work.